Thixotropy
by leafyisland
Summary: Karamatsu was good at killing people - but he hadn't the stomach for it. Fortunately, the Matsuno brothers takes care of their own. Mafia AU w/ BAMF!Karamatsu.
1. Chapter 1

He always went to Ichimatsu first, when the mission was a success.

It wasn't because Ichimatsu made the cold, sick feeling in his stomach go away, but because he makes the ache in the space behind his ribs hurt a little more, and it dulls the nausea in comparison.

As usual, Karamatsu found him in the shades of the family garden. Vines spun itself into a makeshift canopy above the rows of blue mornings glory, and among them, the dark figure against a sea of colour, was Ichimatsu.

This place didn't used to be so beautiful.

It had been a tiny vegetable garden when the Matsunos bought the property, barren of any care and work out into it. But for some reason, out of all of the siblings it had been Ichimatsu with the green thumb. He took to gardening like he'd been born knowing how to do it. Fertilizing the soil, pruning shrubbery so they were neat and rounded, carefully hand picked colours for flower beds. That dark persona Ichimatsu liked to put up was all the more endearing, when you learned of the delicate heart that buried itself deep among thorned roses.

The man himself was sitting on a little wooden stool, petting a long haired cat in his lap with long, indulging strokes. The faint smile on Ichimatsu's face and the cat's steady purring made it hard to tell who was enjoying the petting more. Those long and slender fingers, so often soaked in blood, rubbed gentle circles behind the cat'a ears.

Watching from a careful distance, Karamatsu waited in silence. Karamatsu knew the younger was aware of his presence, but he had to wait for his turn.

Karamatsu was favouring his left side, unable to help himself. A grunt had gotten in a good kick. The ribs on his right felt bruised, maybe broken. He hadn't bothered to check. The wounds of the flesh could wait.

"How bad is it?" Ichimatsu slanted half lidded eyes toward him, finally acknowledging his existence. His expression was tranquil; the black and purple dress shirt he wore wrapped snugly against his torso, making his skin seem even more pale. Ichimatsu didn't tan very well; he freckled.

Inhaling a steadying breath, Karamatsu gritted out, "The...the mission was a-"

"-Success, I know." Ichimatsu cut him off. "Or else you wouldn't be here without visiting Choromatsu first, idiot. So, how bad is it?" He repeated impatiently.

"It was bad. I had to...I had to kill five people." Karamatsu could still see their faces, brows contorted into terror, as Karamatsu shot them between the eyes. Quick, painless, his last mercy. "There were...children too. I couldn't save them" Karamatsu's voice cracked.

"Did you have to kill them? Or did you fuck up?" Ichimatsu said dispassionately, dangling a dried fish stick above the cat while it reached for it with lazy interest. His words made Karamatsu flinch. But as always, Ichimatsu was the one to ask logical questions.

"N-no. The children were dead when I got there." Except they weren't. They must've known their gig was up, because the children were still warm. One had been whimpering, when Karamatsu got there. They were shot hastily, with too many bullets in non vital organs.

Witnesses, that's all they were.

"Then it was a job well done," Ichimatsu told him, and Karamatsu wanted to cry. "The enemies are dead, good riddance. Stop it with the fucking moping already, Shittymatsu," Ichimatsu said coldly, watching Karamatsu break down internally. "Sorry about the kids. But there was nothing you could've done. No use crying over spilled milk." That had been as far as comforting goes, for Ichimatsu.

Karamatsu let the words wash over him. They settled over his bones like heavy lead, and felt his mind come back from the very faraway place it went to, as the pounding of his heart got louder, more painful behind his ribcage.

It never got easier, this job.

But Karamatsu was good at it. His hands never shook when he fired a gun, and his face didn't let anything on when he watched them fall.

Karamatsu was good at killing people. But he hadn't the stomach for it.

It might've been him going through the motions, it might be his cheeks splattered with someone's blood. But he's not home behind the eyes. Vacant. He dissociates so hard that when he comes back, he didn't recognize his own hands. He remembered every single person he killed, but not what benefit it brought his family by killing them. And he remembered the faces of each of those he couldn't save, but not the girl Todomatsu was dating this month.

Osomatsu had always called him soft. But he said it like it was a gift; like it was worth the awed tone in his brother's voice.

 _"But how that be a good thing?" Karamatsu had cried, tears staining the clean, pressed lines of Osomatsu's white shirt._

 _"Because when I see you," Osomatsu had told him. "It makes me remember that each one of us is just human too. And that you're more so than all of us."_

 _But Karamatsu hadn't wanted to be human, if this was what it meant. He wanted to be like Osomatsu, who's smile never cracked. He wanted to be like Choromatsu, who looked at the world so often through statistics and patterns, that he stopped seeing the bodies left behind. Or like Ichimatsu, who could hang his guilt and nerves on the hanger at the door. Like Jyushimatsu, who was able to laugh loud enough that he convinced himself that he was happy. Like Todomatsu, who believed the end justified the means._

 _Osomatsu had shook his head ruefully. "But I love you for you," he'd said, surprisingly frank. "As Karamatsu, who broke his heart believing in the good in people. Who walks out the door again and again knowing he'll come back a little more broken each time. Who never hesitates, when he knew there's a chance he could save a life."_

 _Karamatsu didn't tell him it was because he thought his life would be finally worth something, if others lived because of him._

"Here, come pet Ringo," Ichimatsu said after a while. Karamatsu started.

His younger brother was very fond of his cats, but he wasn't very fond of Karamatsu. The guarded irritation his brother had for him faded over the years, but Ichimatsu was still an allusive creature. If he was letting him the privilege of coming near his darlings, Karamatsu might've looked worse off than usual.

Coming closer to the cat, Karamatsu called out softly, "Hey, hey Ringo." Reaching a hand out slowly, Karamatsu indulged in the silky sensation of the cat's glossy coat. He smiled faintly when Ringo purred under his touch.

Ichimatsu was watching him silently, the usual distaste at the corner of his lips slowly fading away. "Go find Jyushimatsu and spar," he said. "He's still benched from his head injury two weeks ago. But he should be fit enough to spar with you." He smirked without malice. "And maybe you'll finally have a chance to beat him this time."

Karamatsu nodded gratefully, and ruffled his younger brother's hair as he stood up. "Thanks Ichimatsu. You always know just what to say to mend my distraught heart," he said lightly.

Ichimatsu batted his hand away with a harrumph. "Gross, Shittymatsu. Get your disgusting metaphors away from me," he said, then added tentatively. "Buy me a new set of knives, will you? I lost mine on the last mission."

"Your wish is my command, my brother," Karamatsu laughed, and carefully didn't ask him how he lost them.

Karamatsu wandered back indoors through the patio and headed for the gym. On the way there, he grabbed the bottle of acetaminophen from a bathroom cabinet.

He was going to need it, when Jyushimatsu was done with him.

Surprisingly, Jyushimatsu wasn't in the gym, but hanging out with Totty in his office.

"Hello my dear brothers. I have returned." Karamatsu asked from the doorway with a smile. It was a one eighty in attitude, he knew. But playing a part was something so intrinsic in his personality, that he didn't know how to just be himself anymore. And anyway, his brothers knew it and took it in stride. "My Jyushimatsu! Will you spar with big brother?" he asked hopefully.

Said brother was chewing on some rice cakes and drinking tea as he watched Todomatsu work computer magic. He looked like he was having the time of his life. Jyushimatsu's eyes lit up even further when he saw Karamatsu.

"Karamatsu nii-san! You're back," he said, flailing an empty handed sleeve around excitedly. Karamatsu could feel his smile grow more genuine by the second. "Of course of course! Sparring is good for growing muscle muscle! Hustle hustle!" Jyushimatsu hopped up from the bench and bounced out of the room while Totty watched on with amusement, fingers still typing rapidly on his keyboard.

The youngest gave Karamatsu an understanding smile. "Don't go too hard on yourself okay, nii-san?" He was too perceptive for his own good.

"I won't, don't worry," Karamatsu said without missing a beat. After all, as the older sibling, he needed to try not worry the younger.

And if Karamatsu turned around without seeing Todomatsu's worried grimace, well, that was all for the best, really.

Karamatsu staggered as another punch caught him in the chin, panting heavily as pain blossomed from a sharp sting to a dull, bruising ache. Sweat was dripping down across his forehead, and stinging his eyes when he blinked. His tank top was soaked through in the back.

But his stance never wavered. The endorphins made the pain in his side a distant memory.

Jyushimatsu had his fists up, head held high and manic grin on his face. It wasn't proper form at all. They all received private coaching, but when they came out of it, Jyushimatsu had developed something of his own style. All wildly swinging limbs and unpredictable footwork.

It was crazy and it was effective. Karamatsu's by the book style didn't stand a chance.

But today winning wasn't the goal. And Jyushimatsu knew that people didn't come spar with him to chance their luck. People came to him to _lose_.

And Karamatsu needed to lose so badly right now.

He needed it to hurt.

"Dear Jyushimatsu, I know you're holding back," Karamatsu said between pants, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. "If you spar with your full strength I'll buy you that new set of insect encyclopedias I know you were looking at."

"Really?" Jyushimatsu said excitedly. "I got it! Full strength home run mode, on!"

And it really was like a switch was flipped on.

Something behind Jyushimatsu's eyes flickered. Behind his light brown irises was something hungry and patient and blood thirsty. Karamatsu knew that Jyushimatsu had something of a sadistic streak. The boy enjoyed a good sparring session a little more than was appropriate. But he was also the sweetest thing, and refused to hurt other people without good reason. It was why Jyushimatsu was only sent on very few missions, as a last resort and when there was no question the target was the scum of the earth.

Karamatsu couldn't understand how someone could get a kick of seeing others in pain. But he also knew Jyushimatsu; who was kind, thoughtful, and always stifled the darkness inside of him until all that others could see was the sunny exterior. It didn't work on Karamatsu, though. There was too much of himself he could see in Jyushimatsu.

But it was fine. Jyushimatsu's sadistic streak could have an outlet, and Karamatsu could...feel a little something other than self-loathing. It was a win-win.

Another fist made its way past his defences and shoved into Karamatsu's abdomen. He gasped as the air was knocked out of him, and didn't have the strength to block the kick that followed. It cracked white hot pain into his side, and Karamatsu fell to his knees as strength escaped him.

"Nii-san?" Jyusmatsu said nervously, fists lowering.

"'M fine," Karamatsu said, which came out like a croak. He cleared his throat. "Keep going, I can take it." He pushed himself back up to his feet with only slightly shaking hands.

Taking a few deep breathes, Karamatsu closed the distance between them, trying for a hook and jab combo, but Jyushimatsu dodged easily, parrying with an elbow aimed at his torso.

He saw it coming, and Karamatsu had enough momentum to block it. But the adrenaline flooding in his veins and the fast thumping of his heart was too familiar, and he remembered one of the children - blank stared and stained chest, a little red around the eyes from the crying, the horror, of what he had to endure before he-

Karamatsu let the hit land.

It impactd, hard. Karamatsu couldn't help the strangled groan that escaped his lips as the sharp bend of Jyushimatsu's elbow joint dug into flesh. Blood felt like it was rushing down, down, and away from his brain, his vision going black for a split second-

"-nii-san! Karamatsu nii-san!" Jyushimatsu was shouting, no...crying. The sound far away and like it was spinning. Karamatsu squeezed his eyes tightly, then opened them a crack.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-!" Jyushimatsu was holding him in an embrace, huge tear drops slid down his face. Karamatsu's heart twinged to think that he was the cause of the fear and distress in his brother's voice. He shouldn't have done that.

"J-jyushimatsu, it's okay. It's not your fault. I was being clumsy. Please don't cry. Don't cry, my dear Jyushimatsu." He pushed himself up with some struggle, and wiped at Jyushimatsu's face with a sleeve.

"Ssh- big brother is sorry. I won't do this anymore." _I won't punish myself by using you anymore._ "I promise, I promise."

"Nnhn-" Jyushimatsu buried his face in Karamatsu's neck. "Okay nii-san. Thank you."

"Want to help me up? We can go watch Todomatsu hack the Chinese government again."

"Okay!" Jyushimatsu' head bounced back up, almost slamming into Karamatsu's chin in the process. He smiled a tear stained smile. "Will you still get me that bug book?"

Karamatsu chuckled. "Of course. Whatever you want, my little Jyushimatsu."

"Hahaha, I'm bigger than you though!" Jyushimatsu said, pulling him up from the ground and showing off a bicep. Karamatsu smiled and shown off his own with a flex.

Karamatsu bantered with him until they returned to Totty's room. Upon arrival, Jyushimatsu hopped over to the bench next to Todomatsu's huge plush chair and was again fully absorbed by what was on the screen. Totty shot Karamatsu a pointed look, after taking in his fresh bruises.

"I'll visit Choromatsu right now," Karamatsu said to soothe Totty's nerves. "Why don't you two enjoy this glorious afternoon in each other's companionship?" he said, purposely ornate. It did its job and got a smile out of Totty.

Karamatsu waved and closed the door behind him. Plastered smile faltering a little now that there was no audience to show for it.

Stumbling his fingers in his pockets, Karamatsu pulled out and dry swallowed two of the pills. He then limped his way to Choromatsu's wing.

The halls that lead up to Choromatsu's room was dark and slightly cold. The sweat on the back of his shirt cooled and pressed damply against his back. Lime green lights lit up the hall in an eerie glow, and the sounds of his footsteps echoed loudly in Karamatsu's ears.

The medical wing, it was called. In reality though, everyone knew it was more like Choromatsu's personal experiment labs.

He stopped at the large wooden door at the end of the hall. Knocked twice, exact, and pushed the doors open.

"Karamatsu," the figure behind the desk said. Choromatsu's glasses were lit by the computer light. The room had a high ceiling, and light barely filtered into the concrete room from the little window near the top.

"Choromatsu," he returned.

Often, Karamatsu didn't pretend with Choromatsu the way he did with the others. Maybe it was the way Choromatsu was the one to always see him his weakest, or maybe it was because Choromatsu was the third eldest. Either way, he was one of the few people Karamatsu let his guard down with, the other being Osomatsu.

"What did you do this time?" Choromatsu sighed, and it was kind of comforting, to always be assumed the worst of. No expectations he had to meet.

"The usual, and then some."

Choromatsu looked up at that, eyes sharp and glinting. He took off his frames and folded his arms around his chest, leaning back.

"Well, come here." He beckoned Karamatsu over to his desk.

"I know it's stupid-" Choromatsu silenced that line of thought with a slashing motion of his hand. Karamatsu tried again. "I mean, I'm having some problems, can you please help me out, Choromatsu?" It was hard saying the words, but time and time again it's proven to be a necessary evil.

"Good." Choromatsu nodded. "And yes, of course. But let's deal with your injuries first, sit down."

Karamatsu sat on the make shift examination table, hands gripping the edge and swinging his feet back and forth mindlessly. Choromatsu took the time to wash his hands, put some gloves over them, and throw on his white coat.

He wasn't a real doctor, really. Choromatsu actually didn't have a degree at all. But when Osomatsu gathered the family and given each of them roles and duties that suited the family's needs, Choromatsu volunteered for scientific projects. Stuff like rigging a gun with some extra features, or engineering some useful compounds for specialized missions.

When family members started coming to him with bruises and scraps because in their rather limited understanding of just what 'science' really entailed, Choromatsu took to the new role with an almost strange fervour.

Maybe it was the thought of being useful to others directly that appealed to him, Karamatsu knew for sure it appealed to himself.

Before...mafia. Karamatsu was nobody.

No, he was less than nobody. Looking back now, he realized how ridiculous he'd been. Pretending like he was someone bigger than life, like he had any reason for people to give him the admiration he craved.

Now, he lived that life, that life of being someone that instilled respect and...fear, in those that meet his eyes, just before he ended their lives.

It was what he'd asked for, but it wasn't what he wanted at all. Irony was a cruel mistress.

Fingers prodding at his bruised ribs made Karamatsu hiss with pain, and Choromatsu tsked at him, before standing up and coming back with a pair of scissors.

He cut Karamatsu's beloved black tank top into shreds, and peeled it away from the site of injury.

Now that Karamatsu had a closer look at it, it appeared way worse than he felt. Large, purple and yellow bruises marred the pale skin, and spots of blood dotted the discolouration underneath.

"Jesus. Why didn't you come straight to me? Your ribs could've been cracked, or you could've had internal bleeding!" Choromatsu reprimanded, unrolling a line of gauze.

"It's not, I checked." On the way here, he didn't add. Karamatsu shrunk back at the glare he received in response. "I was...preoccupied by my thoughts."

Choromatsu sighed again. "Stop thinking so damn hard. You're supposed to be the blunt weapon. There's no room for sentiment in this business," he said, matter of fact.

Karamatsu ducked his head. It that was the truth, too, Karamatsu just hated hearing it.

As Choromatsu started wrapping the gauze around his torso, he paused with a start when he got to the other side. "You didn't say you were hurt here too," he accused, but his voice held genuine concern.

There was the spot that Jyushimatsu's elbow landed the solid hit, no pull. It was starting to blossom into another ugly bruise to match. Karamatsu blinked at Choromatsu helplessly. He had no excuses, but he didn't want to blame Jyushimatsu either. It had been his own fault this happened.

"You went sparring with Jyushimatsu again, didn't you?" Choromatsu said tiredly.

His turmoil was for naught, it seemed, because Choromatsu might not be the most intuitive, he _was_ the most logical.

"Seriously lacking self preservation or something, you idiot..." Choromatsu muttered beneath his breath, checking Karamatsu the new bruise for internal damage. Karamatsu tried to not flinch at the clinical touch. It was starting to hurt deep in the bones. The acetaminophen must be wearing off.

"Alright, you're all cleaned up." Choromatsu smoothed the gauze over his torso gently. "Here," he handed Karamatsu one of his spare white tees. They were stored in bulk in the cabinet of his office, as he often worked straight through the night and managed to forget to shower. "Now, tell me about how it went."

Karamatsu didn't waste any time stalling; he didn't like talking it through; it was a sort of debrief, but he had to admit it helped.

"I was on the tail of the Ryouhei's case. Osomatsu sent me." Karamatsu checked that Choromatsu knew what he was talking about. "And I had to track down what was going on with those suspicious actives near the docks last month. I followed a guy back to his base. And..." He swallowed. "And he was trafficking kids, children. There was about ten of them there when I ran in.

"I couldn't believe it. Those kids were locked up in cages, gagged and crying. Their eyes had despair in them." Karamatsu shook his head. "You don't want to know what a seven year old that gave up on living looks like."

Choromatsu didn't say anything. His lips were pressed into a tight line, and there was something like horror in his usually calm eyes.

"I killed them all," Karamatsu breathed into the heavy silence. There, the truth was out there; for him to bare, and for the world to judge.

"Who?"

"Everyone. Those people that were negotiating for the sale of those kids, the goons that were guarding the place. And those kids-"

"You _what_?"

"Or as good as killed them," Karamatsu said dully, ignoring Choromatsu's outburst. He had to get it out, or he'll lose his nerve. "I missed one of the guards, and he shot the kids dead before I could even get close."

"You know that's not on you," Choromatsu said plaintively.

"Do I? Do I know that?" Karamatsu said. "Because I can't believe in that. No matter how many times I hear it." And he'd heard it plenty. "If I were just a little faster, if I paid a little more attention..."

"Karamatsu...here." Choromatsu stuffed some tissues in his hand, and Karamatsu stared at it blankly for a moment before he realized his eyes were wet.

"I think you should take some time off," Choromatsu said after a pause, as Karamatsu wiped his eyes dry. "Talk to Osomatsu. Get yourself put on some paper pushing jobs. Or even espionage. Totty can get you started. Or you can work together. This is clearly unhealthy for you."

"Yeah." Karamatsu bowed his head low clasping his hands in front of him. "Yeah."

Talking helps, definitely. But sometimes, talking about it only makes things worse.

In that moment, Karamatsu couldn't stop thinking, if only he was a little less good at his job, a little less good with his gun, then maybe he would've been the one dead instead.

"Come in!" A voice called, and Karamatsu opened the heavy wooden doors to Osomatsu's chamber. The man himself was slumped sideways in his red, plush chair, one arm dangling laxly off to one side, the other one holding a piece of paper up above his head, reading it with half lidded eyes.

"Yes?" Osomatsu drawled without looking up as Karamatsu crept in and shut the door gently. "Which one of my adorable little minions is here to see me today-? Oh."

"Osomatsu. Do you have a moment?" Karamatsu said quietly.

"Yeah. Of course. Get over here." Osomatsu's voice fell into a serious cadence. He set the document on the table and opened his arms wide, inviting.

"Thank you." Karamatsu didn't hesitate to join the eldest on the chair. There was plenty of room, and he didn't mind the closeness, craved it, even.

Osomatsu wrapped his arms around him, and Karamatsu settled against his brother's warm body, cheek tucked in the crook of his neck. Osomatsu was deceptively wiry and well built. The thin white dress shirt made him look slimmer than he was. The heat radiated off of him, and Karamatsu basked in it, eyes closed.

"So, wanna talk about it?" Osomatsu asked, running a hand through Karamatsu's hair.

"No, thank you. Choromatsu already debriefed me," Karamatsu mumbled into Osomatsu's shirt.

"Alright. Well, here's what I've been up to." Osomatsu took a deep breath, and launched into a tirade. "Can you believe what happened today? That bastard Niu actually requested me for help. Is he stupid? After sabotaging us like that on the last time we collaborated. I already gave Ichimatsu permission to kill the guy on sight..." He rambled on tirelessly into Karamatsu's ear, the half hearted complaints a reassuring patter of noise, lulling Karamatsu into some semblance of a doze. All the while, Osomatsu's arm stroked Karamatsu's back in soothing circles.

"Osomatsu, will you kiss me?" Karamatsu asked after a while, when there was a lull, and Osomatsu's chatter halted.

"Yeah, of course, Karamatsu. You don't even need to ask." He grinned and leaned down to kiss the younger, deep and wet. His mouth tasted like chocolate and wafers. Karamatsu sucked on his tongue, slick and sliding against each other, then relented control when Osomatsu prodded at his lips, letting him in.

"Nhn-" Karamatsu whimpered into the kiss. Osomatsu's hand had wandered its way down his body, past the waistband of his slacks. He massaged the growing bulge between Karamatsu's legs.

"Feels good?" Osomatsu whispered huskily when their lips parted for air.

"Mnm." Karamatsu's eyes fell closed.

"Let me hear you use your words, babe." Osomatsu wrapped his hand around Karamatsu's length, not moving, just holding it. A steady grip.

"I... Please. I want more," Karamatsu gasped, looking up at his older brother with flushed cheeks.

"Your wish is my command." Osomatsu gave him another wolfish grin, and begun pumping his cock. Karamatsu trusted upwards into the tight, hot grip, gasping. Unable to help himself.

They had done this since Osomatsu took his place as the family head. No one else had ran for the position. Every Matsuno agreed that Osomatsu was most suited for the role. Even if he wasn't the smartest, nor was he the toughest, but they knew Osomatsu was the one they could count on, to be loyal to each and every one of them. To take responsibility when it was hard to.

Although taking responsibility, didn't usually extend to sexual acts.

Karamatsu watched with anticipation as Osomatsu unbulkled his own pants. He fisted their cocks together, grip slick with Karamatsu's pre-come. Their flesh slid against each other in each thrust. It was intimate in a way not unlike penetration, seeing their most vulnerable parts pressed together, skin on skin. It was sheer bliss, to be here sharing this moment with the person he loved embracing him.

"I'm- I'm close," Karamatsu said breathlessly.

Osomatsu kissed him chastely on the lips, then licked him on the nose, once. Karamatsu blinked with confusion. "Wait for me?" Osomatsu batted his eyelashes.

"I'll try." Karamatsu smiled exasperatedly at him. Even when the lines between his brows deepened with worry, Osomatsu was still Osomatsu. He tightened his grip on Osomatsu's shirt, and the muscles in his groin, trying to stave off the pressure building up in him.

Osomatsu kept up the powerful pumps of his hand, waves of pleasure washing through him. After what felt like hours, but was probably just minutes to a person not under delicious torment, Osomatsu said the magic words. "I'm close. Let go, Karamatsu."

He squeezed his eyes shut and obeyed. Hot cum shot out from the slit, splattering onto Osomatsu's hand and their chests, streaking it milky white. Osomatsu followed soon after, joining Karamatsu as he shouted his pleasure.

His orgasm washed over him in waves, making him shudder and blanking his mind for that one, glorious moment. Everything that had wound up so tight in him, finally finding the sweet, sweet release.

"You okay, babe?" Osomatsu said after a while, after they both started to come down from the high.

Karamatsu hummed, playing with the hem of Osomatsu's shirt. He was lying limp in Osomatsu's lap, it was comfortable, and he didn't want to move. The elder took Karamatsu's shirt off, and wiped themselves clean. They were quiet for a moment, just enjoying each other's presence.

Karamatsu breathed out heavily. "Choromatsu told me to stop taking missions for a while."

Osomatsu responded after a moment of thought. "Do you want to? Because I won't stop you if you do. Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu can pick up the slack, and Todomatsu had been itching to do some field work anyway." He turned his warm brown eyes on Karamatsu, a carefree smile on his face, like it was that easy. "The work will be there when you want it."

"I'm not sure if I want to stop," Karamatsu admitted. "I...I want to be useful. That's all."

Osomatsu blinked, like he didn't recognize Karamatsu for a second. "Useful...? You're plenty useful, Karamatsu. You clean up after the family's messes and your cooking is as good as mom's. And, I don't know," Osomatsu brushed a finger beneath his nose, surprisingly abashed. "You're a pretty good partner, too."

Karamatsu stared at him, feeling heat work it's way up his neck and to his cheeks. What they had was an informal arrangement. Osomatsu never even let on in front of the others that they were now doing the deed behind closed doors. Karamatsu had resigned himself to the fleeting nature of their relationship.

"I don't know if I'm good enough," Karamatsu said hoarsely. _I don't know if I'm good enough for you to keep me._

Osomatsu's face did something complicated, then he reached out and gripped Karamatsu's shoulders, pushing him down against the softness of the chair so that he was now pressed beneath his older brother.

"Urgk- what, what are you-" Karamatsu asked, patting at Osomatsu's arms lightly, but making no other efforts of struggle.

"Shut up, stupid," Osomatsu whispered into his ear. "Do you really think I would have anyone but the best?"

Karamatsu turned his head away; it pained to hear him say that. He couldn't make himself believe it. He's afraid of being a fraud, a fake. And that was an insult to Osomatsu's good will.

Osomatsu grabbed his cheeks in a tight grip so that their eyes met, intense, desperate. He then bent his head to kiss Karamatsu. Their tongues tangled, and it was wet, heated, and unbearably sweet. They didn't part until Karamatsu felt lightheaded, and dizzy with the lack of air and pleasure.

"You're damn well good enough, Karamatsu," Osomatsu said harshly, their lips an inch apart, breathing each other's air. "Fuck off and play guitar all day, be the inner hippie you always wanted to be, or even do nothing all day, I don't give a shit. You being by my side is. good. enough." He punctuated each of his words with a jab of his finger into Karamatsu's bare chest.

The younger stared up at his partner, his boss, and his brother, eyes wide.

Sometimes, he didn't know if Osomatsu cared about him like that. With the way his brother was friendly with everyone, with the way that he smiled at Karamatsu as if he was just another one of his little brothers. With the way he wouldn't talk to anyone for days, not even Karamatsu, when something went wrong on a mission, blaming himself.

But he had been an idiot, hadn't he?

Karamatsu was the one Osomatsu confided in when he doubted his abilities to lead a whole mafia family at the tender age of twenty three. Karamatsu was the one he passed out against, in a night of drinking with their brothers, breath tinged with alcohol against his neck. Karamatsu was the one who got Osomatsu's softer, gentler smiles, because Osomatsu knew that's what he needed.

 _So it was okay,_ Karamatsu closed his eyes and thought, a smile tugging at his lips. _If he was an idiot._

 _If he couldn't kill a person without wanting to turn the gun onto his own temple and twitch his finger._

 _Because he had family to come home to._

 _Because he had Osomatsu to come home to._


	2. Chapter 2

When Karamatsu started to organize Choromatsu's porn magazines by alphabetical order, it was the last straw. Choromatsu had snapped, going on and on about the basic right of privacy defending the integrity of the entertainment industry, and finally giving Karamatsu the boot from his office.

"Get the fuck out of here and go hang out with Todomatsu or something, Shittymatsu!" he'd shrieked.

So he did. But Todomatsu wasn't too impressed either.

The youngest was preparing briefing packets on the new intel mission, and raised an elegant eyebrow at a Karamatsu winking at him from the doorway. His manicured fingers clacked away at the keyboard. "What is it, nii-san?" Something about his tone made Karamatsu think anything other than 'nothing' was going to end badly for him.

"I'm here to keep you company, my brother~" Karamatsu said, blithely ignoring the annoyed vibes Todomatsu was sending in boatloads.

"I have work to do, Karamatsu nii-san," Todomatsu whined.

"I can help you! With all my gruelling years of experience, I have some great wisdom to impart to you," Karamatsu said, gesturing emphatically.

"Whatever." Todomatsu turned back to his computer. Not a moment later, his eyes widened.

"Oh... This is great!" he exclaimed. Karamatsu watched with interest as his brother dialled his phone, and started typing again even more furiously than before. "Osomatsu nii-san?" he said. "I finally found an opening! Ryouhei's Seishun Prefecture division will be gone tomorrow for the whole day. Some sort of assistance mission. It's the perfect chance!

"Okay, got it." Nodding as Osomatsu responded, Todomatsu shot Karamatsu a quick glance. By the way," he added lightly. "Karamatsu nii-san is going stir crazy. Can you please do something about him?" Todomatsu clicked the intercom button, and Osomatsu's warm voice filtered through.

"Karamatsu, babe," Osomatsu said. "Are you being painful at your brothers again?"

"Ah...yes, I suppose I have," Karamatsu admitted, colour flushing his cheeks.

"Do you wanna come up to my office then? Take the edge off, if you know what I mean." Osomatsu purred, and Todomatsu groaned. He tossed the phone at Karamatsu, who snatched it out of the air reflexively. "TMI, you guys. Get your gross selves out of my office."

"Sorry, hahaha!" Osomatsu's laugh was warm and crisp, and the sound made Karamatsu smile. "How about this. Totty, since this is going to be your first field mission, why don't you take both Ichimatsu and Karamatsu with you?"

"What? But isn't Karamatsu nii-san on break?" Todomatsu said with a look of concern in his eyes.

"Don't worry, from the information you sent me, it seems like a simple in and out mission. He'll be back up only. And Karamatsu can handle it, right?"

"Yeah. I would like to go," Karamatsu agreed easily. He had been feeling an itch in his bones, almost, unused muscles craving some activity. Ichimatsu could do the job perfectly well, but Todomatsu could use some extra guidance.

"...fine," Todomatsu agreed grudgingly. "But no sequins on my first mission, okay?"

Ichimatsu leant lazily against a cracked and peeling wall, watching Karamatsu and Todomatsu squabble at the cluster of computers in the corner of the room, trying to hack through the security firewalls.

Well. It wasn't really squabbling. More like Karamatsu blabbing painful bullshit and Todomatsu trying valiantly to ignore him.

It was annoying. But when Karamatsu was being painful, it meant he was happy. So Ichimatsu let him be. Todomatsu could endure it for the length of the mission.

"-And did you see the way I stealthily avoided detection to guide us here? I was like a bat onto the night," Karamatsu was saying for some unknown reason.

"Uh huh, sure. It was not at all because of the emmap/em I found for us before the mission." Todomatsu said, dry as a desert.

"Ah, yes brother. It is with our combined wit that such a feat was possible."

It emwas/em terribly easy, getting in. Perhaps too easy.

"Shut up," Ichimatsu barked at the duo. There was something off about this.

The brothers came in through the front door because they were no guards anywhere in sight. That part was expected, of course. But when they came into the room, it was lit only with the dust filtered light from a grubby window, and the soothing glow from the screens-

Wait, why had the computers been left on-?

"What's wrong, Ichimatsu nii-san?" Todomatsu asked with a tinge of irritation in his voice, task interrupted.

"Perhaps the combined roar of our mutual intelligence was too much a bother for our dear brother-" Unable to think with such painful words within his hearing vicinity, Ichimatsu stalked quickly up to Karamatsu and slapped a hand over his mouth. "Mmnf-?" Karamatsu blinked blankly.

emBut Todomatsu's intel is never wrong. There was no way.../em Ichimatsu snapped the fingers of his free hand, trying to emthink. There must be something he's missing-/em

"Todomatsu," Ichimatsu barked, making the sibling in question jerk upright in his chair. "You said Ryouhei's men were out today for some mission?"

"Y-yes. It was an assistance mission."

"And what does 'assistance' mean?"

"Well," Todomatsu bit his lip in thought. "That was all the system had said. The schedule I found only labelled 'assistance mission'." He glanced at Karamatsu, who had gone still beside him, face unreadable. "There was no location listed, but I had assumed they were maybe helping another division with something? That's why they aren't at base." He turned his palms up in a shrug, looking a bit cowed by whatever expression must've been on Ichimatsu's face.

He wracked his brains for ideas. What could crime syndicate need to assist with? Assassinations, typically, but…

emAssistance. Assistance of whom? /em

Or maybe the better question was…at where?

Ichimatsu's eyes widened as a clang sounded in the far away depths of the hall they came from.

emMaybe it was a cat or something?/em Ichimatsu rushed to the door and pressed himself up against the cold metal. Karamatsu and Todomatsu were both staring at him, varying degrees of confusion on their faces. Their hearing wasn't nearly so keen as his. And were oblivious to what he suspected was about to happen.

Ichimatsu gritted his teeth as he heard more rumbling noises. Soft, pattering, not a cat. And definitely more than one person. Damn it.

He couldn't really blame Todomatsu for the mistake. As it was obviously a trap meant to mislead. But.

They were outnumbered.

Ichimatsu gritted his teeth. He looked at Karamatsu from the corner of his eye, still standing by the decoy computers but was now looming a little bit closer to Todomatsu, something sharpening in his gaze.

And this mission was supposed to be a vacation too, for Karamatsu.

The man had been a mess ever since- no, that wasn't true. The man had always been a mess. A mess of a brother and a mess of a family member. But he was the most damnably loyal guy around, even Ichimatsu had to admit.

And grudging dislike or not, Ichimatsu respected him.

So he cheered, internally of course. When Osomatsu finally managed to convince the great idiot to take a vacation. He had been a cheerful sparring partner. (A good break from Jyushimatsu's admittedly efficient, but brutal training sessions.) He had also been a lively presence, when the other brothers were all home from a draining day, and it was almost nice to hear Osomatsu and Karamatsu bickering like a married couple.

Today was supposed to be a good time- for Todomatsu to test the waters. (Training mission really.) And for Karamatsu to do something easy and fun, to relieve his cabin fever.

But now…

Ichimatsu made a decision. One he would probably never have made, a few years ago. But he emknew/em Karamatsu now. (Even though they've known each other their whole lives.) And Ichimatsu doesn't want to see the haunted look behind his eyes again. At least, not if he could help it.

"Karamatsu, Todomatsu. I think something's not right," Ichimatsu said quickly, redundantly. The pair were already tense and at the ready.

"W-what's going on?" Todomatsu said.

"I'm not too sure," Ichimatsu lied. "I'm going to check it out." He jerks a finger at the direction of the door. "How far along are you at cracking the security, Todomatsu?"

"I've already cracked it." Todomatsu gave him a small, proud smile, but it was shaky at the edges.

"Good." Ichimatsu breathed out. His brother really was no slouch, even if he didn't always act like it. "I want you to grab whatever useful info you can off their systems there. And if I don't come back in ten minutes, I want emyou/em." He pointed at Karamatsu, who was still sporting that unreadable look, his thick brows lowered over intense eyes. "To get him out of here." It was a stretch, Ichimatsu had to admit, going after an unknown number of enemies without backup. But, he'd done worse.

(And besides, Karamatsu's smiles were just starting to loose that pained quality recently-)

"Got it?" Ichimatsu snapped.

"Yes," Todomatsu affirmed, still confused but trusting.

"Yes." Karamatsu sounded resigned, which didn't make any sense. But Ichimatsu could find out later, when he was done sweeping the place.

"I'll see you two in ten," he promised, really hoping he would be able to keep it, and rushed out the door.

There had been more, much more enemies than he'd thought.

The compound was infested. emAssistance mission/em, really very cleverly named.

Ichimatsu struck down another man charging at him with his sword. Warm blood sprayed from where he was cut, staining another layer on Ichimatsu's silk pants.

He paused to wipe a smudge from his cheek, watching coldly as the man's body crumbled to the ground.

Nine, that had been.

Taking in a slow breath, Ichimatsu tried to slow the pounding thump in his chest. Stamina had always been his greatest weakness.

He tucked his sword in his hilt, and set off in the opposite direction, where the growing commotion was stirring.

Ichimatsu was not usually so...reckless.

Sure, out of the field agents in their family, (all of them except for Choromatsu and Todomatsu, really, and the latter not for much longer.) Ichimatsu was the one to come back most often battered and injured. Second most often was Karamatsu, because the idiot had the self preservation skills of a drunken puppy.

Ichimatsu didn't want to die, not really, even if he had a tendency to come off as such.

The honest thing was - he just didn't think he was worth a damn. Which - he admitted was probably problematic. He and Jyushimatsu were working on that.

But the point was, Ichimatsu didn't mind getting a little banged up, if it meant Karamatsu could have another good night's sleep. The man really did look awfully pitiful with those huge bruises beneath his darkened eyes.

So - Ichimatsu was the one here, fighting and bleeding, while Shittymatsu get their baby brother out of this clusterfuck of a mission. And that was fine.

He rounded another corner and five more goons were charging his way. Ichimatsu drew out his sword, hand only shaking a little as he did so.

The three in front decided to be clever and charge him all at once. Ichimatsu tsked, and parried the first with a discordant clang of metal as sword met sword. He kneed the man in the gut in the process and used the momentum to step around him, neatly dodging the second gonn's attempt at slashing his side.

But there had been one more... there-

-Ichimatsu spun around with his sword in a large arc, cutting the man that snuck up behind cleanly on the forearm. He yelped and recoiled; Ichimatsu dove in and slammed the sword blade first into his gut. The choked noises of pain from the man above him made him smirk with satisfaction.

The remaining goon stood on shaking feet as Ichimatsu turned to face him. A fresh layer of blood coated Ichimatsu's clothes, and his sword dripped with it. He probably made a frightening image, going by the look on the goon's face.

It was always a good idea to win his battles without actually twitching a finger, Ichimatsu found, watching as the man's nerve broke and he turned tail to run.

Well, that wasn't too bad. Ichimatsu let his forced casualness drop, shoulders slumping forward as he caught his breath. Damn, he really needed to work on his aerobics, didn't he? Usually his jobs were quick, one off things - Ichimatsu was more suitable for assassinations and stealth work. Jyushimatsu was more suited to mass destruction of this scale.

He stood back up, straightening his sleeves and suddenly-

\- a lurching sensation

His gut - did he have something foul for lunch -

Then, pain. Hot, sharp, spreading…

Ichimatsu looked down.

Ah, he'd missed one.

emThere had been five,/em he thought, and collapsed to his knees.

"Urgk," Ichimatsu choked out, hand reflexively darting up to press at his abdomen as the intrusion was pulled out without ceremony. He flinched his hand away when he felt the wetness spread rapidly.

And it emhurt/em, god em damn it./em

Not the good, heated pain that Ichimatsu enjoyed a little bit on the side during escapades with Jyushimatsu. But it was the nauseating, waves of agony that left him breaking into a cold sweat. Left him shaking.

"Caught you, little Matsuno," a voice drawled, footsteps (how did he miss them?) circling around Ichimatsu's prone form and stopping before him. Shiny thick boots were all that Ichimatsu could see from his angle. He spat at them. Every little bit counted, right?

The man tsked, and kicked him in the face.

"Little bastard."

Ichimatsu grunted from the impact, then strained to lift his head enough to see the man above the feet. He was thickly muscled, as they often were. Clothed in a tight uniform with several gleaming metals strapped to his belt, and wearing a vile smirk on a pudgy face. This one had been loitering in the back while his comrades died fighting nobly.

A coward, but a crafty one.

"Now then, isn't this a surprise," he continued in that exaggeratedly flaunting tone of his. "A Matsuno," he spat the word like it was scum. "On our territory. Right when no one's home. What a coincidence!" God, this guy was almost as bad as Shittymatsu. Drama queens. "Too bad it was a trap," he sneered, like it was surprise. Ichimatsu wanted to roll his eyes, but the pain was making his vision swim, so he rolled them mentally.

Deciding to preserve a little of his dignity - if this was going to be his last few moments – Ichimatsu stooped up to a crouch.

God, they better kill him quick, he thought half-dazedly. Interrogation would be the worst, and Ichimatsu would much rather check out early.

"Don't look so sad, little Matsuno," the man kept on talking, Ichimatsu didn't know why. He didn't give a shit, and didn't pretend otherwise. "I'm calling the others here. I know your reputation, and a little wound like that won't stop you." Not true, Ichimatsu would gladly run away and not face the fight if he was gravely injured. The man probably had him confused for another one of his brothers. Most likely Karamatsu. "There's no way you can win. Against all of us." The coward sounded like he was convincing himself.

Well, Ichimatsu glanced blearily at the clock behind the man.

It had already been fifteen minutes.

He hoped those two had gotten out on time. This disaster Ichimatsu pulled had been tedious and stupid and foolishly noble and em goddamnit it he didn't want to die, not yet/em.

Ichimatsu swallowed a groan as he stood up fully, arm steadying his sword as best as he could so it pointed shakily at the goon. His left hand pressing into the wound, hoping it would buy him some time. But- if he was going down, he would fight until his last breath.

Damn. What a painful thing to think. In both senses of the word - Ichimatsu almost wanted to chuckle if it didn't hurt so badly - Karamatsu had been rubbing off on him.

Somehow, Ichimatsu didn't find he minded it very much.

He made sure to stab the coward in a place that won't kill him right away. He'll die, yes. But it will be a slow, painful death.

Ichimatsu had long stopped trying to slow the blood flow of the wound. He needed both of his hands to hold up the sword. It was growing heavier in his weakening arms by the second.

More men had flooded in from both directions leading into the hall he was in, and Ichimatsu had fought like the dying man he was, which was to say, very aggressively and unskilfully.

There was too many of them, and it seemed like there was no end, Ichimatsu thought as he clashed swords with another goon that replaced the one he just disarmed, both hands on the hilt shaking as he started to buckle under the force of the man's swing.

It was no good. Ichimatsu could see two more coming up from behind the one he was fighting. He used the last of his strength to push the man's sword to the side with his own, muscles screaming, and elbowed him in the face.

Hopefully he'll stay down, Ichimatsu thought as his knees finally buckled, and he fell down on them heavily, sword falling out of his hand and making a noise that made the pounding in his head worse.

He closed his eyes, not wanting his last moments to be filled with images of bloodthirsty strangers cutting him down.

And-

It never came.

He waited…

Still nothing.

em please don't bring me in please don't bring me in /em, he started praying in his head.

"Maybe we should bring him in."

em Drat./em

They were towing Ichimatsu by his arms, held between two goons and feet dragging behind him, Ichimatsu was being directed towards the exit of the compound.

Ichimatsu was close to delirious. Blood loss making his head swim but not enough, not enough to make him pass out.

They were approaching the heavy metal door of the exit when Ichimatsu felt what was left of his blood freeze at the sight of - of Todomatsu.

His eyes were red around the rims, but his cheeks were dry. The black jumpsuit he wore had dust rubbed across its front, and a black eye, but he seemed otherwise unharmed. He had his arms bound behind him, a stocky man held onto his shoulder with a hand that seemed huge against Todomatsu's small shoulders.

Fuck. Karamatsu. What the fuck did you emdo?/em

"He went back to look for you, Ichimatsu nii-san!" Todomatsu cried at the sight of him, eyes growing liquid. Ichimatsu must've said that out loud.

"Ha, they really do look identical," the slimy voice of the goon that was manhandling Ichimatsu said.

"Todomatsu. Are you hurt?"

"Ichimatsu nii-san!" Todomatsu shouted hoarsely, desperate and berating. "em Speak for yourself! /em You're embleeding!/em"

Todomatsu was okay, then.

Ichimatsu closed his eyes, too tired to keep them open. He thought hard about solutions, a way to make it out of this alive – if not him, then at least Todomatsu.

Ichimatsu could probably get free, if he wrenched hard enough. The goons holding onto him hadn't bothered to restrain him, so he could probably take them down with their own sword, if he was fast enough.

He emhad/em be fast enough. This was the last time he had to be em enough./em

The last time to a big brother.

Someone was screaming. Blood curdling, will-shattering screams.

It wasn't Ichimatsu, and a quick glance told him it also wasn't Todomatsu.

Something splashed onto his arm. Ichimatsu looked over, and it bloomed red against his bare arm. A body beside him collapsed. The screams halted.

"W-who? Gah-!" to remaining goon holding onto Ichimatsu gasped.

Turning his head quickly, Ichimatsu's eyes widened at the sight of Karamatsu's sword hilt, buried deep inside the back of the man that was holding Ichimatsu's left arm, now groaning and falling limp.

The older was glaring with a detached look in his eye, something almost vacant and dispassionate behind his irises. His lips were settled into a mildly disapproving frown, as if he thought the current situation mildly distasteful. The hand that held his sword was steady, not at all shaking like it had been two weeks ago, when Karamatsu sat down at the breakfast table, worn and slumped from nightmare.

The second son had always been good at his job, even if it killed him a little on the inside, in the aftermath.

Karamatsu didn't say a word as his eyes flicked to Ichimatsu, nothing flickered, not even recognition, and for a terrifying second Ichimatsu thought his brother was going to cut him down too. Karamatsu...he was barely Karamatsu then.

"How badly are you hurt?" Karamatsu asked, voice low and flat, a rasp catching deep in his register.

"I-" Ichimatsu considered lying. He had always had too much pride; mother had always told him. It would be the death of him one day. "It's, pretty bad, yeah," Ichimatsu ground out. Maybe it was time he listened to his mother.

Karamatsu nodded curtly, and side stepped a swing from a man crashing into his side, bashing the metal hilt of the sword against the back of the man's head. He went down with a groan. "Give me a couple of minutes. Don't die." Karamatsu's tone was shot with authority that Ichimatsu felt compelled to obey.

Then, Karamatsu turned to his back and let the demons come out.

Todomatsu had managed to free himself as the goons all left to join the fray of massacre that was their older brother. The younger had hurried over and was fumbling one of the fallen goons' pockets for a phone.

While Todomatsu made the distress call to headquarters, Ichimatsu watched with growing apprehension and awe as his idiotic, guiless brother slay men left and right as if it didn't even cost him an ounce of energy. It was akin to watching Jyushimatsu in the sparring room, but with Karamatsu, it was almost heedlessly...efficient.

His teeth were barred in a snarl, and occasional grunts of exertion were all the noises he made. His movements were sharp, lethal, and punctuated with perfect stance. Ichimatsu hadn't worked often with him, mostly out of incompatible personalities, so he hadn't witnessed Karamatsu's true abilities before, only knowing about it in a theoretical way.

This. This was almost overindulgence. As another man fell, mute, having died before he even hit the ground, torso coloured with sliced skin.

Ichimatsu was starting to see why Karamatsu's dreams keep him up at night.

It was quiet, after a fashion.

Karamatsu was the only one still standing, or, kneeling, as he had his hand closed around a man with several slashes on his arms and body's throat, growling something too low and guttural for Ichimatsu to hear.

His other arm was poised above the prone man's body, glint of the blade unwavering in the air, waiting.

Ichimatsu didn't know why his brother wouldn't just put the goon out of his misery.

"- hurt him. I will emtear you apart/em." Ichimatsu was able to catch the tailwind of what Karamatsu was growling. And, that was enough, he opened his mouth to say so.

"Karamatsu nii-san!" Todomatsu shouted before Ichimatsu could. "Stop, please, that's enough already. Please." His voce broke on the last word, and then dissolved into sobs. Ichimatsu turned his head around, startled by the sound.

The youngest was crying, curling in onto himself, arms hugging themselves. The phone he procured was thrown aside, beside the body of the man it had belonged to.

"Todomatsu..." Ichimatsu realized belatedly this was emnot/em how first missions were supposed to go. His brother was going into shock.

Struggling to push himself upright from where he was lying, Ichimatsu shouted as loudly as he could, voice tight with pain. "Shittymatsu, stop your crazy murder spree already. You're scaring Todomatsu."

Karamatsu was still, his back ramrod straight and tense as a piano string. "Karamatsu. The guy's already pissed himself," Ichimatsu continued more calmly, reasonably. "Let him be. We can bring him back for interrogation." When he still didn't move, Ichimatsu's temper flared. "I'll come over there and stop you up myself if you don't listen, you stupid bastard!"

Karamatsu head turned slowly around, eyes still vacant as he stared at Ichimatsu in silence. The younger swallowed. Goddamn. It was like the lights were on but no one was home.

A jolt of pain suddenly shot up from Ichimatsu's wound, and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Mnk-" he whimpered, unable to stop the sound from escaping.

"Brother!" The spell was broken, and Karamatsu's stupid face finally twisted into shock, confusion, then horror, as his eyes started to fill with tears. "Stupid crybaby," Ichimatsu sighed, not letting on how relieved he was at the sight of some emotion, em any/em emotion on his brother's face.

For a second there, he thought he'd lost him.

"Ichimatsu, I-I-" Karamatsu babbled. Lips quivering and puppy eyes in full force, Ichimatsu didn't know how his shitty brother ever transforms into that monster of a man. He wasn't being harsh, either. Karamatsu was genuinely terrifying a moment ago.

"Back up is coming,' Ichimatsu waved him off. "I think the bleeding is staunched. Go." He gestured at Todomatsu's general direction. "Do some damage control."

Karamatsu nodded at him vigorously, as if Ichimatsu said something profound, and scrambled over to Todomatsu, who was still sobbing uncontrollably. The younger flinched when Karamatsu's arm brushed his gently.

Karamatsu jerked back like he'd been slapped.

"Todomatsu…"

The younger hiccupped, face still buried in his sleeves.

"Todomatsu," Karamatsu said brokenly, and knelt down next to him, whispering gentle murmurs into his ears, and slowly wrapped his arms around Todomatsu's shoulders.

The scent of blood made Ichimatsu's head woozy. He didn't want to pass out yet, he had something…something -

\- Ichimatsu had something to tell him.

Flashes of blue, then, distorted voices, shouting.

Ichimatsu had to tell him-

His lids won't blink open anymore, heavy like lead, and he could feel himself slipping away

em Ichimatsu had to tell him not to be afraid- /em

Ichimatsu leant against the wooden poll of the entrance to the garden, crossing his arms to appear casual, when in reality he needed to take the strain off the tightly wrapped wound on his side.

Beside him was Todomatsu, bowed and hunched in on himself from discomfort and nerves. He had a bucket in one hand, various assortments of poles sticking out of it.

Their idiot brother was sitting at the bench underneath the sprawling vine with his back to them, wind carding through his hair in whisps, dark against the white collar of his shirt. It was growing too long, Ichimatsu noted absently.

"Well?" Ichimatsu said, after a moment of silence. The nervous vibrations from Todomatsu next to him were starting to make him grouchy.

"Nnk," Todomatsu said. "I…I don't know…"

"What is it now?" Ichimatsu snapped. They already talked about this, for hours on length. Ichimatsu hated talking feelings and emotions, especially not in the counselling role. What a pain in the ass, that Shittymatsu, brooding everywhere with his sensitive little feelings; refusing to eat with them, and falling asleep in random places because he avoided the bedroom to give Todomatsu space.

Closing his eyes and blinking them open again forcefully, Ichimatsu scattered the uncharitable thoughts. It wasn't Karamatsu's fault this happened. In fact – Ichimatsu's hand slipped down to brush against his side – he had Karamatsu to thank for even being alive enough to be angry with him.

"I'm scared he won't forgive me," Todomatsu finally said. Getting the truth out of him was like pulling teeth, sometimes. "What if he hates me?"

Ichimatsu wanted to laugh, so he did. Loudly and mockingly.

"Karamatsu hating you?" Ichimatsu clutched his side; maybe he shouldn't have done that, even if it was to make a point. Karamatsu was looking their way now, his eyes wide. "He couldn't hate you even if you betrayed and stabbed his ass," Ichimatsu said lightly.

"Ichimatsu nii-san!" Todomatsu was glaring at him for making Karamatsu notice their presence, but he had a small smile tugging at his lips. "You're the worst." He harrumphed and trotted over to Karamatsu. Finally.

Watching with half lidded eyes, Ichimatsu saw Todomatsu make a fool of himself apologizing, when of course, Karamatsu wouldn't even have thought there was anything to apologize emfor/em.

That was the problem with that idiot, honestly. He was so stupid, stupid and oblivious and eager to please. Which made him the best weapon the family's got, even if the toll it takes on him is a heavy price to pay.

But Karamatsu wasn't dangerous, not really.

He was lethal, sure. But cruelty doesn't even touch him. And he never could hold a grudge. Not even when Ichimatsu had been unfairly cruel to him in their younger days.

There was mild crying now, and hugging, which made Ichimatsu want to gag. But he was glad it was this than any other worse possibilities.

em

Todomatsu had been inconsolable. "That wasn't Karamatsu nii-san! There was no way he could do something like-"

"Like what?" Ichimatsu had spat. "Like saving our lives?"

"But, but he didn't even /emcare em when he cut those people down," Todomatsu had cried. "And-did you see the look in his eyes?"

"Totty," the nickname had come out as a warning, low and dark. "Did you know Karamatsu is the best out of all of us, at what he does?"

"How- Really?" Todomatsu's jaw went slack with shock.

Ichimatsu hadn't wanted to tell him. Karamatsu's business was his own. But Todomatsu had to /em understand. em"Osomatsu wouldn't say a word if Karamatsu wanted to quit and just live as his personal sex toy." Todomatsu made a face at that. "But he wouldn't stop Karamatsu from going on missions either. Because they both know the family needs him."

Todomatsu was silent after that. /em

"Hey, Ichimatsu," Karamatsu said to him as they came over, dumb and cheerful smile on his face again. Ichimatsu felt himself smiling in response. "Want to come fishing with me and Todomatsu?" He waved the fishing pole in his hand in front of Ichimatsu's face, as if that was supposed to tempt him into doing such a mind numbing activity with him.

"No," Ichimatsu said.

"Awe, maybe next time then," he said genuinely. Behind him, Todomatsu was smiling at Ichimatsu with gratitude. It could do them good spending some time alone.

"Maybe."

Karamatsu patted him on the shoulder as he walked past, winking (knowingly or not, Ichimatsu didn't know. It was always hard to tell with him. Ichimatsu suspected he had more depths than he came off as. No one could be that good at killing people without a few skeletons in the closet.)

Now alone, Ichimatsu closed his eyes and breathed in the crisp, warm air of early summer. It wasn't hot enough to be uncomfortable, yet. Cicadas were a gentle chorus in the background, and the sun had drifted across the sky enough for the rays to hit Ichimatsu's cheeks, even beneath the eaves.

A soft presence wrapped itself around Ichimatsu's legs, and he bent down carefully to pet Ringo, looking up whimsically.

It was always so beautifully comforting, to stand under that unforgiving blue, eclectic sky, Ichimatsu thought.


End file.
